Asked by Man, 27
Three good dates and I am already imagining a life. Then I scare people off or I get crushed when they go quiet.
Fast attachment is often relief, not destiny. Someone is paying attention and your nervous system treats that like oxygen. Slow the access: see them in daylight, keep your other friends, do not rearrange your week after date two. Intensity is not the same as information.
A lot of us do this too. Chemistry plus anxiety feels like a soulmate plot. It is usually a pace problem. If you cannot sit with a delayed text without spinning a future, you are attached to the feeling, not the person. That is fixable, but not by finding “the one” faster.
Make a rule: no future-talk, no “what are we,” and no all-day texting until you have spent time together in three different contexts. If that feels unbearable, the work is not the dating app.
After both answers