Asked by Prefer not to say
After every argument I apologize, even when I started with a fact. I leave conversations more confused than I entered.
Gaslighting is not losing a debate. It is leaving with a smaller grip on what you saw. If dates, messages, and plain events keep getting rewritten until you doubt your notes, that is the pattern. A partner who disagrees will still allow a shared timeline. A partner who needs you unsure will attack the timeline. Write things down. If they punish the notebook, believe the notebook.
Confusion after conflict is the tell, not volume. You can be wrong about a tone and still be right that something happened. If you are coached to call your memory 'crazy' every week, you are being trained, not loved. Ask one specific question: 'Did you say X on Tuesday?' If the answer is a character study of you instead of yes or no, stop arguing your sanity.
Keep a private log for two weeks. If the log and their story cannot both be true, treat it as a safety issue, not a communication style.
After both answers