Asked by Woman, 35
I can describe the cycle clearly and I still go back. I am tired of calling it love.
Hurt can feel like purpose when peace feels empty. Some of us stay because leaving would mean admitting we picked badly, or because intermittent warmth is addictive. The relationship is not a puzzle you failed to solve. It is a slot machine. Insight without distance rarely changes the payout.
You stay because the good hours still rewrite the bad ones, and because leaving threatens an identity: loyal, patient, the one who could fix it. That is not stupidity. It is a bond. Name it as a cycle, not a calling. You do not owe anyone another year of proof.
Tell one safe person the true pattern in one paragraph. Ask them to hold you to a two-week no-contact experiment. Measure your nervous system, not his potential.
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